Don't read this

1st week, past, I smiled, once.
Feel so sorry for my stupids n childishness.
Although you doesn't matter but I do.
Sorry, I did something that make you jealous.
I smiled, because your generous.
It be with me the whole week.

2nd week, I smiled again, the second.
For I am thinking the day we be together, the face that left me now.
But I was more doomed, I convinced myself that
now you are too busy for me like I was to you.
My darkness overwhelm me, I scared myself, terribly.

3rd week, I am sicked.
Everything is moving except me, I tried to move, where should I go?
I wanna slam, smack, smash, slash, slice, spill, split, spoil, ...what?

I sicked, sicking, should I insist to be like this till the end?
I know everything, anything, but nothing helps me.
I know who can helps me. It's me, you, and Him.
But I go no way, so no way for help.
I wish I am dead. No more pains.

Ya I know, I have to smack that bottleneck.